I've been reading my dad's Robb Report magazines. It's mostly ads peddling obscenely expensive cars, cigars, and designer clothing to the (obscenely) wealthy. It's very funny. This is the gist of most of their ads :


Hello, Sir. Yes, *vapid smile* we believe you are a man of ..taste, and discernment, and we hope you will consent to put aside these two most praiseworthy virtues for long enough to purchase one of our dress shirts.You like this one, do you, sir? Yes, it costs enough to cripple the economy of a small third world country; excellent choice, sir. You'll take it? *vapid smile* Why, thank you, sir. Still keeping that sense of discernment in check? Good, now if you will be so good as to follow me, sir, we shall proceed to the diamond studded toiletbowls -- bling bowls, as we in the 'hood call them. It's the shit, sir. A gentleman such as yourself simply must get himself iced up, don't you agree?


Okay, i made up that last part haha. Seriously though, there was an ad for Swarovski shower hubs. Nutters.

Life.

Caution! Cliche post ahead. Proceed at your own risk.



Life... is like a box of chocolates. Never quite as full as you would like it to be, and always seeming to vanish faster than should be legally permitted by the laws of physics.

My advice to you is, keep box in cool, dry place, take smaller bites, chew slowly, and enjoy the nutty bits.

They don't legally wed. They really are bastards. In every sense of the word.

Vampire Bugs

An entire species devoted to the annoyance of humankind.They seem created for that expressed purpose alone.The small high pitched whine they make in your ear, the itchy welts, the malaria.. One has to question, what is their purpose in the great scheme of things? The one benefit they bestow upon us is that they are fun, and easy, to kill, and occasionally make pretty scarlet blotches when they expire. Fun for the whole family. I propose therefore, that we capitalise on this. We must begin in earnest the production of miniature, mosquito-sized cigarettes. We must convince their larvae that smoking is Cool, and that all the cool larvae are smoking, and that there is, in fact, no conclusive evidence that smoking six packs a day for eight years will indeed cause their dear little larvae lungs to harden into pencil lead and snap off. Little blood-sucking bastards.

I'm going to try to go to sleep again.

Service your Nation..please?

Good evening! We're here on the scene, outside the house of Citizen Aaron Sim,who has just been informed of his unbelievable good fortune of being one of the randomly-hand-picked few selected to semi-voluntarily invest three months of their valuable youth in glorious Service of our fair Nation. Yes, the SWAT riot tanks appear to be leaving the grounds..They're wheeling the iron maiden out back...it appears to be unused! Folks, i think we've got ourselves a live one! I won't be surprised if we do, our new thumbscrews have increased our success rate by over two hundred percent.*listens intently to earpiece* Yes, i have recieved confirmation that Citizen Sim has joyously accepted our Nation's gracious offer of Service! Doubtless he will be escorted outside to meet us for the customary hour of Spontaneous Demonstration of Fierce Patriotic Joy...And here he comes! Greetings, Citizen! Say a few patriotic words to our viewers at home. Oh, ignore the shotgun. A mere formality. In case we should happen to run into complications with your interview.